IM LOST

long time no blogging ady
have no mood to do ~
my feelin super messy now
super missing my baby boy...
its ady 1 months since our last trip
honestly, i need my baby boy so much...
he is the one who knows all things about me
know how to change my mood n fill me when im down

currently super emo n sad
i have tried all ways but still cant get out from dis kind of feelin...
im supposed to be strong n supported him
but instead of supported him
i might just adding his burden
makes him feel guilty....
coz i was done somethng dat i shudnt done it
but i done it bcoz of him as main factor
he knew it n felt guilty for it
but stupid me just cant awared wat i done just add his sadness n stressness
i dun even awared wat act happened to him
cant awared dat he, himself ady struggled wif his own private prob
i just keep do wat i wan to do n adding his guiltyness on me...
how stupid n silly i am? T_T

even currently we lost contact fr some moment
thought we need to be alone, gv each other some space, settling all things
but when im alone, i just cant helped my self to stop thinking about him
seems like all things around me reminds me of him
song dat we sang together, our trip, our togetherness
seems like all things is wrong now...

was think about how sob is he when facing my 'childish' act, my anger
how calm he was n how he makes me calm as im super panicked person
feels like nothng will be happened when im wif him
everything just fine...nothng to be worry about

never gone thru dis kind of emo bfore
2 weeks non stop emo-ing
non stop crying
non stop blurring

i think i just found wat is love all about...

he told me sorry for his disappered currently
he will tell me in the other time
y he is doin all dis...he sure have a good reason beyond all dis
watever he done, he always considered about our goodness
but, im scare to facing the fact
keep asking question without answers
is dis the end?
or
is dis the new start?
i just cant stop my self to running away for facing the fact
keep running n running
but in the end, i still need come bak n facing all dis ryte?
i just cant drag my self out of dis alone
i need my baby boy here by my side
helping me gone thru dis things
to guide me where to go, wat im supposed to do
coz I'M LOST....

ppl can said dis is silly, dis is dramatic, or watever they called us
i dun even care how ppl judging now
when im 1st saw my frens pm in fb
its says "when u tell ppl ur prob, they wont interest on it, coz they didnt gone thru it, 70% dun care, 30% symphaty"
n it might be right
others wont understand wat u feel coz they NOT YOU
in fact, im rill lost my track now