the other day without u

*Gellato Fruity Green Tea ice cream*

need dis stuff when im missing u, SW~
im super miss my baby boy...
when we can bak just like bfore?
i super damn miss u...
dunno y i like to emoing often now
guess, i lost someone to talk wif
i means i still have my frens here, i have my super cheers hosmates...
but its feel like something wrong when i spending my day without u
anythng is wrong
feel somethng is lost
i used to be playing our song repeated for whole day
just to review our memory...
i dunno wads goin on between us
just hope everythng will be fine soon~

summore, one thing oso bothering me currently
bunch of ppl dat i tot they r my 'family' here
r not really a family for me...
dunno y, i lost the feel, i lost the count when its started...
maybe i just have too high expectation or the feel just gone bfore i aware of it

in normal condition, i will used to discuss wif baby boy about all things im struggling wif
but now....
sigh~

i telling my self, i can be strong, i can overcome it, coz i have my God bside me
but...im hesitating it now...can i?
even God always be wif me....
im hesitating my self can tahan all dis n gone thru it
im not strong enuff i guess
i keep crying day to day...
even my frens asked me, when its gonna stop, its already 1 month
i replied them smile :)
even me myself i dunno,
i lost my self....
i lost my mind...
i lost my smile...
i lost my day...
just only bcoz of u..
its all gonna worthy?
its all my fault? ur fault? whos fault?
im posted in my msn pm, wondering IF i never met u 2 years ago, its gonna makes any different?
who knows?
even im starting asking God, wats the point u makes us met, fell, and messy like dis?
i couldnt think any of the + points of it
now im only have 1Q for me n him
WHEN IS GONNA END?

IM LOST

long time no blogging ady
have no mood to do ~
my feelin super messy now
super missing my baby boy...
its ady 1 months since our last trip
honestly, i need my baby boy so much...
he is the one who knows all things about me
know how to change my mood n fill me when im down

currently super emo n sad
i have tried all ways but still cant get out from dis kind of feelin...
im supposed to be strong n supported him
but instead of supported him
i might just adding his burden
makes him feel guilty....
coz i was done somethng dat i shudnt done it
but i done it bcoz of him as main factor
he knew it n felt guilty for it
but stupid me just cant awared wat i done just add his sadness n stressness
i dun even awared wat act happened to him
cant awared dat he, himself ady struggled wif his own private prob
i just keep do wat i wan to do n adding his guiltyness on me...
how stupid n silly i am? T_T

even currently we lost contact fr some moment
thought we need to be alone, gv each other some space, settling all things
but when im alone, i just cant helped my self to stop thinking about him
seems like all things around me reminds me of him
song dat we sang together, our trip, our togetherness
seems like all things is wrong now...

was think about how sob is he when facing my 'childish' act, my anger
how calm he was n how he makes me calm as im super panicked person
feels like nothng will be happened when im wif him
everything just fine...nothng to be worry about

never gone thru dis kind of emo bfore
2 weeks non stop emo-ing
non stop crying
non stop blurring

i think i just found wat is love all about...

he told me sorry for his disappered currently
he will tell me in the other time
y he is doin all dis...he sure have a good reason beyond all dis
watever he done, he always considered about our goodness
but, im scare to facing the fact
keep asking question without answers
is dis the end?
or
is dis the new start?
i just cant stop my self to running away for facing the fact
keep running n running
but in the end, i still need come bak n facing all dis ryte?
i just cant drag my self out of dis alone
i need my baby boy here by my side
helping me gone thru dis things
to guide me where to go, wat im supposed to do
coz I'M LOST....

ppl can said dis is silly, dis is dramatic, or watever they called us
i dun even care how ppl judging now
when im 1st saw my frens pm in fb
its says "when u tell ppl ur prob, they wont interest on it, coz they didnt gone thru it, 70% dun care, 30% symphaty"
n it might be right
others wont understand wat u feel coz they NOT YOU
in fact, im rill lost my track now